Over the weekend, I experienced the worst ever mood swing. I felt really low and so out of control. It is scary how the feeling just engulfs me and I can't jump out of the feeling. It was like I have a stone weighing on my chest and I can't get it off. The worst thing? There isn't really anything that is supposed to be bothering me! Was it something that I ate? The supplements I took to prepare for conception? It might be and if that is the case then it is really scary. Just for the records, I am not on any other medication. I am on another set of supplements from Forever but I have been taking those for many many months and have not felt anything like this before...
But now that I am back in office and back to work, I do feel a lot better, so another contributing might the house. Maybe I feel trapped in the house? Maybe the fengshui doesn't work for me anymore even though it was fine before. It is multi-factorial...and it is hard to arrive at anything concrete. CM says it is mid-life crisis...or Big 3 crisis...maybe...the one thing that I am telling myself now is that, I am not destined for big things so there is no point lamenting that I am not as successful as I would like to be. To be fair, I think I am doing alright but I would like to be doing better. I think I can be, and I will be, I just need to be a little more patient. And honestly, should I be defined by just work? And to make it worse, work for 'others', not even for myself, if u know what I mean. So, just the other day, I told CM, I wanna owe a business by 40. I wanna own a cafe of my own. Really, CM & I spoke about it before and I think I might have just the right concept to go along. The next 10 years will be saving up and preparing myself to this dream. A 10-year road map. I think I need a goal in life to work towards. Holidays spread through the year just doesn't spur me on anymore. I need something that is more meaningful and this might just be it!
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