Counting down...soon to be 34 weeks...

My Mum told me the other day that I should try to be more cheerful for the sake of the baby, but this is sometimes easier said than done...If only we all had the chance to have a look into the future and have a peek at the consequences of all our decisions, some unhappiness may be preventable.

Jeff & I had naively thought that moving in with his parents would be the perfect solution to sorting out our childcare arrangments. Now don't get us wrong, it was never to dump the kids with his parents but more so the kids can grow up in an environment where they have the chance to associate with elders, something which I did not get to do.  Of course it is also a lot more reassuring to have a family member around to provide supervision over the domestic helper. 

And as Jeff & I have analyzed it over and over again, there was a massive shortfall of expectation.  It became increasingly hard to look to his mother to provide basic care giving for Josh and it soon became a burden on the two of us to shuffle our work arrangements on days when she has activities, and boy does she have activities.  It got to a stage where it made more sense for us to manage things for Josh on our own, even though it was really tiring.  Particularly in the first couple of weeks when we needed to get Josh and ourselves adjusted to the new routine. 

The good news is that after perservering for a couple of weeks, Josh is now well-adjusted to the new routine and not fussing as much when we drop him off in school.  Thank God.  What I cannot comprehend is why Jeff's mother is so reluctant to help us out...even when sees how Jeff is losing weight every day tiring himself out over stuff at home and how even being heavily pregnant, I still have to shuttle between work and picking Josh up from school.  We have already made all the necessary provisions in hiring a helper who does most chores at home, in fact, we are so hands on with Josh that all she ever needs is to provide supervision in those couple of hours after we leave for work before Josh goes to school and when Josh is back from school before we get home.  But even that seems to be a challenge for the old lady. Jeff once asked her about it and her reply was that she's tired...OMG....I didn't realize that it can be tiring just being a couch potato. What about people like my Mum who does manual work? 

So there you have it, the family support that we had imagined to be there for us when we moved in, really didn't work out. Just when you think it is a win-win, it turns out that we were at a major losing end.  I hate it that my husband is always stressing over some financial issue and have no time for me and our children. I really don't need it...I just want us to be happy.  We may not be the richest people in the world but I thank God that we don't have to fret over not having a roof over our heads or no food to put on the table for the children. We both earn a decent living and enjoy what we do. The only thing that seems to be the downer now is the constant challenges brought about by his family. 

I am not saying that it is wrong for Jeff to chip in but I think it is wrong that they expect him to do all the heavy lifting when they sit on the couch playing Candy Crush.  And because his time and energy has been expanded to look after their needs, I have to step up for our household. I am constantly working on an endless to-do list in my head on what we need to prepare for Josh for school, paying swim class fees, milk powder, diapers, daily supplies, attending to Josh' medical needs, going to the gyne, paying bills etc...the list just goes on and never ends. Jeff is often unable to help share the load cause he has more than enough to worry about for his family.  Is this what it is about being family? Then why is it not reciprocated? Why is it only one-way? God help me find the answer, please...this season of Lent has gone well beyond just abstinence from meat...