Quarter life crisis

I guess I must be experiencing some sort of a quarter-life crisis. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about my life, mainly questioning myself about how I can lead a more fulfilling life. It was like I was hit by a thunder bolt when I realised that I had spent a large part of my life studying something which I thought I had passion in only to discover that it was interest that spur me to pursue it. Not only that, I also realised that it was only because that ‘area of interest’ was something that I had done than the other subjects in schools. I was devastated. I had spent some much time pursuing something that I had no intrinsic interest for. The question that follows next would be what my I had passion for. Honestly speaking, I don’t know. No clue, no inkling not even the slightest idea.

Ever since I was freed from my mom’s control, I had always been attached. All my time free from books was spent doing what my boyfriends like to do. When I was with Al, it was gallivanting and movie watching. Things became more subdue with Jon as we often spent time fishing, rearing fishes and eating fish meat bee hoon. With Ben, it was all about retail therapy and piling on the fats. Now that I am with Jeff, I spend most of my time doing all of the above. Technically speaking, I shouldn’t be complaining, I had experienced so much more than the girl next door or your average Joe. But it’s a meaning that I am searching for, a meaning for doing the things that I am doing, all the seemingly mundane stuff that I routinely do day after day and week after week.

I guess it may just voice down to the very fact that I do not enjoy the work I am doing. Where I work, the arrows just keep coming and the work just keeps piling. Just when you thought you had finished one project and there’s finally some room to catch your breath, you get slapped with yet another project. I hope there will come a day where I will find a job that I’d truly enjoy and not dread.