Sloth & I have been going though a rough patch recently...I think ths issue can be sum up in a few words..."mis-matched expectations"...
Its now fast becoming a pattern that repeats itself every month..and it tires us out both physically and mentally..everytime we quarrel about this, we end up staying all night going in circles and never coming to a solution..
I am always hoping to find a solution but there is no one simple way to solve this issue...
This morning, we had the same discussion in the car...I asked him "what can i do to help us solve this problem"..In the past I had always been asking him to work on it...asking him to take accountability for this issue. Now its time for me to stop playing victim and start taking accountability. And he told me "You can stop pressurising me". The three words are still ringing in my head now...
Its almost like I have been in a world of my world and someone just shone a light in my face..so glaring and yet you can run away from it. yes, I am guilty..I had been mean about it so far and I probably made things worse by reducing his ego to the size of a sesame seed.
Its a character flaw...I have nowhere to run, I need to stop imagining myself to perfection cause I am not. I can be really mean, and am capable of saying mean things which I must say, I do not mean them half the time. all these years, saying mean things has became my defense mechanism. I say mean things, to protect myself, to make myself seem like the aggressor..to take revenge..
I have to stop hurting sloth, I love him heaps and I must not hurt him this way anymore...STOP SAYING MEAN THINGS!!
Lord, give me the strength and will to change things and be a better person. One that does not say mean thing to those that I love most...
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