So here we are, Jamie is one month old today and it also marks the supposedly last day of my confinement. My confinement lady will be leaving tomorrow morning. Seeing her change the cot sheets for Jamie was just a somber reminder that we are going to be on our own from tomorrow. It doesn't help that Jamie was taking her morning naps well and kept waking up when I was due for my 9am pump. MIL seemed to be a little hard of hearing as Jamie's persistent wails did not seem to affect her. She continued to read her newspaper and watched her K-drama. Indeed she lives a much envied where the only thing that she seemed to be concerned about is if she can clear the next level in Candy Crush.
Oh well, what can I do about it? Jeff can't help it either much less me. Will just have to take it a day at a time and hope that we can cope better on our own when Jamie grows up quickly. On the other end, I am not sure Joshua is coping well with sharing our attention. Like us, he has no choice but to come to terms that things will be a little different with little Jamie but I am sure it will be better. We all just have to learn to trust in God, no matter how hard things get and when the going gets tough.
Yesterday I was feeling quite upset with Jeff for again not replying to my SMS. He does that pretty much all the time and I should really be getting used to it but question is if this is even something that one should condone. I mean, just looking how condoning tyranny has resulted to in the household. But that said, bringing my displeasure up to Jeff's attention doesn't help the situation, he doesn't do well with such conversations. Which makes me wonder of our marriage is only good for 'health' but not for 'sickness'..It is like he only wants to good news and lives in denial that nothing is wrong. More and more, he also seems to not care as much about the things I bring to his attention, he just climbs straight into bed and starts snoring in a bit.
I know he is a nice person, every body says that about him, he will happily offer friends that he thinks we do not need at the moment which we paid good money for without consulting me...but at the same time, 'it doesn't occur to him' to get his wife little presents or even a single stalk of rose when she delivered their 2nd child without epidural. He claims to have kissed me, I think he probably did but not one that I remembered much about. So, there you have it...I think I am not alone here, many marriages probably fall victim to life...people just don't realize that marriage needs work. Men especially takes it like a box to check off i.e. Getting married, having children etc.and then moves on to tick off other boxes, somehow they seem to put in more effort in maintaining their cars than maintaining their marriages.
It is a sad sad feeling but I blogged about choices, so despite seeing how the best parts of our marriage withering or some say maturing or morphing into something else, I want to make that choice to be happy about life and to celebrate it. After all, my marriage is not the only thing that defines me, if this is one portion that is less than perfect, I should work on the rest to make up for it. Have I made an effort to try to wave a red flag to Jeff, I think I did but if it gets ignored every time then he is just waiting for an accident to happen in due course. I did my best, I really have. But now, I just want to focus on the well-being of my children and myself. For those who are not bothered about my well-being, I am not bothered about them either.
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