Acceptance...

I read a mummy's blog where she asked about how one can love in spite of chalenges. I can relate to some of the things she say like 'How do you love, when visits from grandparents always generate poor appetite and constipation from your child?'.  The past few weeks has been pretty much a roller coaster ride for me. Nobody is to blame except for me. When things do happen the way they have played out in my head, I get stressed and all. Many times, I am reminded to leave things to God for He alone knows best, I remind myself that I need to trust in Him to have made plans for me and my loved ones.  I had been really adamant about breastfeeding that I have put a lot of stress on myself.  Accepting that it doesn't work for me and Jamie was difficult, somehow even more so than when I tried to do so with Joshua.  It will take time and in time to come I will probably come to terms with it. But at this point in time, it is still a raw nerve and I still wonder why I am unable to do it and wonder if I could have persevere a bit longer. Oh well...like Jeff says, make the best decision possible at this point in time and stick with it. 

Acceptance doesn't come easy for me. This is also the reason why I have hidden the truth about coming from a single-parent family from friends for a very long time, yes, even my closest friends. I felt embarrassed, insecure, ashame of my family background. I think it is largely cause I have not accepted it as part of me.  The truth of it is that I never quite know what defines me but that there is a strong desire to be accepted in my circle of friends.  Some call it insecurities.

But more important than acceptance is the choice that one makes. I am sure you'd heard a million times that to be happy is a choice. It really is, one can choose to wallow in misery but is equally empowered to choose to spend every waking minute being happy. Our Lord chose to forgive those who betrayed Him because He loved everyone of us.  I am not saying it is easy but it is up to you to decide how you would like for things to be for you. My confinement lady shared with me that when her husband did not wake up from his sleep one morning almost 20 years ago, her world curmbled, after all what was she going to do to bring up her 5 young children single-handedly.  The sorrow consumed her for a year when she finally decided that she needed to pick herself up, find a job so she can support her children. And she never really did look back. Does it mysteriously not hurt anymore that day one year later? I am sure it still does even many years later today but she chose to close the chapter so she can move on and be there for her children.  It was a choice that she needed to make for her children and herself. After all, lamenting the death of her beloved wasn't going to change things but deciding to move on will make things better.

It is amazing how when you open your heart to listen to the Holy Spirit as it pours out its wisdom to you, there are important lessons that we can learn with every heartbeat. 

Dear God, thank you for speaking to me through the Holy Spirit...my words do not suffice to express my love for you being there for me in every one of the challenges I have faced in life so far but I know you can hear the voice deep within me for no one knows me like you do...Amen!